Talking about feelings, desires and emotions: if the heart of women is often at stake, that of some men is quite different. Why are they afraid to talk about their feelings? And what about sexuality? And how can you help them start that conversation?
Talking: a woman's thing?
Talking is a women's thing: we use a lot sex toys for men online in india than men, don't we? Various self-help books indicate that men speak about 7,000 words a day, compared to 20,000 words for women. But this has never been scientifically proven. The source seems to be a pamphlet from a relational therapist, then the text was copied by various authors. Scientific studies show that men and women talk about the same, but it depends on the context.
For example, Professor David Lazer of Northeastern University found that women used more words during social occasions. But in professional circles, men talk more. Other scientific research conducted in 2007 shows that women use around 16,215 words per day, compared to 15,669 words for men.
How To Make A Sex Toy For Men: They are not encouraged to talk about their feelings
Recently, we wrote an article on toxic masculinity . Boys are brought up to believe that showing or talking about feelings, among other things, is not manly. They are taught to hide their feelings and not talk about them.
Boys are brought up to believe that showing or talking about feelings, among other things, is not manly.
Of course, not all men have been exposed to a toxic upbringing. And there are plenty of men who just find it hard to talk about their feelings. According to Tara Vossenkemper, therapist and owner of a practice specializing in relationship therapy, there are both biological and social reasons for this: “Men are not often encouraged, or even discouraged, to talk about their feelings. Also, some men don't like to make themselves vulnerable.
How To Use Sex Toys For Men: Tips for talking about feelings
Does your partner find it hard to talk about their feelings? Imagine how he feels: he probably feels vulnerable. Fear of being laughed at or encountering misunderstanding. Or maybe he's not used to being open and honest about his feelings. That's why he doesn't easily talk about his (sexual) desires and feelings. Do you want to talk more about your partner's feelings? If so, let him know in a quiet moment. He may react in an angry or evasive way, to avoid feeling these other emotions. Maybe these tips will help you.
Maybe he's not used to being open and honest about his feelings.
give it time
Don't expect him to bare his soul all of a sudden: he probably also has to get used to the idea that someone wants to listen to him. You can indicate that you want to talk about a certain topic, but only when your partner is ready. Ask him to initiate the conversation when he's ready. This clearly shows that you respect his limits. Pushing him to open up right away is counterproductive.
Pushing it open can have the opposite effect, so take it gradually!
You can also show your feelings with a letter
Sometimes it is easier to write than to speak. Mainly because then he can put all his feelings on paper without having to look at you and without having to (directly) answer questions.
What Is The Best Sex Toy For Men: Set a good example
It's not fair to expect your partner to show their feelings if you don't. "If you're vulnerable, it invites others to be too," therapist Kimberly Hershenson tells Bustle. "By sharing your own issues and emotions, your partner will be more likely to do the same."
How To Make Sex Toys For Men: Be ready for active listening
Sometimes someone just wants to talk, and they don't get an answer. The easiest way to find out is to ask him if he would like some advice. If the answer is “no”, it is best to keep your probably well-meaning advice to yourself.
You just need to listen.
Bring up the subject of feelings in the car
It is often recommended to discuss sensitive topics such as sex education and therefore feelings in the car. For what ? Because you can't watch yourself while driving. Since you can't make eye contact and are distracted by driving, awkward conversations feel less awkward.
Try to strike up a conversation during an activity
Just like driving, you can also try engaging in conversation during another activity. Take a walk, for example, or if you're playing a video game together, playing golf, or cooking.
What Are Sex Toys For Men: Let things be
The strength of a good relationship is that you complete each other, but don't try to change each other. He really doesn't want to talk about certain things? Don't force it, just let it happen.
The strength of a good relationship is that you complete each other, but don't try to change each other.
Acknowledge how your partner gives you love
Flowers, chocolates, romantic holidays and serenades under your balcony: not all men show you their love in this way. The important thing is to recognize your partner's love signals. It could be scraping the frost off your car, leaving sweet nothings, keeping your place warm in your bed, or never making a fool of yourself. Loving someone isn't just about words or social media posts, it's about actions.
Talk about your emotions with a therapist
If you want to discuss something really important, but you can't work it out together, a relationship therapist can help you. We're not saying you should force your partner to bare. But if it causes problems in your couple, in some cases, it is necessary to talk about it.