We know that how we think about things determines to a large degree what we experience, and this is particularly true about anger.
Here is a four-step plan for dealing with anger:
- Take a deep breath and relax.
- Stay calm. No sarcasm, no attacks.
- Take a time-out. Cool off, then come back and deal with it.
- Break it down. Anger often comes from lumping things together.
Then, repeat these thoughts to yourself:
- I am not responsible for this person‘s feelings.
- I am responsible for my own feelings and responses.
- I am able to put a temporary lid on my own anger.
- I must not judge a person until their anger has passed.
Positive self-talk often helps, too. Here are some coping mantras you can use:
- I am responsible for what happens between us.
- No point in blaming. I’ll try a new strategy for taking care of myself.
- What can I do about this?
- As long as I keep my cool, I’m in control.
- Getting upset won’t help.
- Easy does it—there is nothing to be gained in getting mad.
- I’m not going to let him/her get to me.
- I can’t change him/her with anger: I’ll just upset myself.
- I can find a way to say what I want to without anger.
- I can stay calm and relaxed.
- Relax and let go. There’s no need to get my knickers in a twist.
- No one is right. No one is wrong. We just have different needs.
- Stay cool. Make no judgments.
- No matter what is said, I know I’m a good person.
- I’ll stay rational. Anger won’t solve anything.
- Let them look all foolish and upset. I can stay calm and cool.
- His/her opinion isn’t important. I won’t be pushed into losing my cool.
- Bottom line, I’m in control. I’m out of here rather than stay or do something dumb.
- Some situations don’t have good solutions. Looks like this is one of them. No use getting all bent out of shape about it.
- It’s just a hassle. Nothing more, nothing less. I can cope with hassles.
- Good. I’m getting better at this anger management stuff.
- I got angry but I kept the lid on saying dumb things. That’s progress.
- It’s just not worth it to get so angry.
- Anger means it’s time to relax and cope.